Using self-fulfilling prophesy for good

How much do your expectations and (pre-)judgments impact your actual experience?

“A self-fulfilling prophecy is an assumption or prediction that, purely as a result of having been made, cause the expected or predicted event to occur and thus confirms its own ‘accuracy.”’Paul Watzlawick

“The concept of the self–fulfilling prophecy refers to a false statement that changes your behavior so that the statement comes true” Jun loayza

I was working a couple of weekends ago on content for a goal setting workshop I’m  going to be facilitating.  I love facilitating workshops but I wasn’t looking forward to working on putting the presentation materials together…so much so that I had talked myself into looking forward to a thoroughly grueling and tedious weekend.

This led me to procrastinate and let myself be continually distracted by doing other things; anything, after all would be better than the grueling task I had facing me.  I started working on it a number of times and each time it felt thoroughly  grueling and tedious – I have a deadline so eventually I had to focus and get to it.

I’m now more or less finished my presentation materials and you know what – once I actually got down to it, once I stopped entertaining the thoughts of how much I didn’t wanted to do it, I actually enjoyed putting the presentation together. It was only the anticipation of doing it that was grueling and tedious!

What about the times we don’t have contractual obligations or fast deadlines?

What do we never try because of our fear or negative expectations?  What things go badly that if we didn’t have a negative expectations and adjust our behaviour accordingly may have gone well?

How much of the current economic crisis could have been avoided if so many individuals and businesses hadn’t panicked and stopped spending when the media started to report its recessions and downturn messages?

How much are things like stock prices, real estate prices, and exchange rates impacted
by media predictions or fear?

How often have you woken up and told yourself “it’s going to be a stressful day” making yourself stressed and tired before the day has even started?

How often has your ‘worst case’ anticipation of a potentially difficult interaction caused you to alter your approach to the interaction negatively (e.g become defensive, accusing, shut down)  and posibly caused or influenced a negative tone to the interaction or a negative outcome?

Research suggests that teacher expectations can predict changes in student achievement and behavior – an example of self-fulfilling prophesy playing  a part in creating a child’s future ( see study by Tauber, Robert T. Good or bad, what teachers expect from children they generally get)

How often have you told yourself you can’t accomplish something so you don’t bother to try – further reinforcing your belief that you can’t?

How often have you created an artificial wall between you and someone else because of
your expectations and judgments (or expectations of their judgments)?

We have the ability to create so much of how we experience the world…more than I think most of us give ourselves credit for.

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” Henry Ford

I notice that the more I let myself be open to being in the moment and discovering – rather than anticipating the worst – the better things seem to go!  At best – can I create some positive self-fulfilling prophesies and at worse can I be open to just experiencing things as they are – moment by moment.

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics “Hot off The Press”

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001.

Is There A Case For Workplace Flexibility?

What is most important to you in terms of career? How important is work-life balance and flexibility to you?

Please check out my latest “Hot Off The Press” blog post: “Is There a Case For Workplace Flexibility?”

I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts!

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics Hot off The Press”

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the
same name published with © May 2001.

Focusing on what works…

Why is it sometimes so easy to focus on what isn’t working than what is?

Do you ever have a cup half empty attitude?

Can a couple of bad drivers on the road change your mood from good to bad?

Can one thing going wrong in an otherwise great day, sometimes ruin it for you?

Can one or two things going wrong in a relationship overshadow what is right and possibly even make you question the relationship as a whole?

Can one perceived fault or shortcoming you think you have – in spite of how much works about you and how many gifts you have -cause you to think you are not good enough or that you have in some way failed?

Can doing a great job that falls short or just short of a perfect job ever cause you to negate what you have accomplished /achieved?

Can a conflict in a friendship threaten to ruin it?

Do you ever let feeling lousy about something prevent you from feeling good about anything else?

Why is it sometimes okay to focus on our faults but not on our gifts and greatness?

What if we focused on the whole picture and gave proportionate weight to the positive and the negative? Would that change things?

What if we always focused more on what works than on what doesn’t?

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics “Hot off The Press”

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001.

How much can negativity influence us?

When you watched the riots in Vancouver after the Stanley Cup – were you as horrified as I was? Did you wonder how people could do the things they were doing and know that you would never do that?

The rioting sickened me as it did so many. It saddened me not just because some people came prepared to start a riot but that so many individuals swept up in the frenzy behaved in ways that even they would not have believed they ever would.

It got me thinking about the ways in which each of us sometimes let ourselves be influenced negatively in our lives, sometimes without even being aware of it. I don’t believe any of us is completely immune.

Not sure I’m right?

Some food for thought. Ask yourself –

• Have I ever started the day in a good mood and noticed my enthusiasm wane when I am around negative people or when I hear negative comments?
• Have I ever been in a meeting or group situation and not expressed my opinion or stood up for what I believed was right or a better approach? Have I or my group ever gone in the wrong direction because of it?
• Have I ever let my mood be dragged down by friends, a spouse, family or co-workers who are in a bad mood?
• If most of a situation/relationship/etc is going well, but one part of it isn’t – have I ever focused so much on the one negative aspect among many positive ones that I perceive the whole situation/relationship/etc as not working or not what I want?
• Have I ever let feelings about something fester and build up?
• Have I ever let someone else’s comments or actions dictate how I feel about myself – even in just that moment?
• Have I ever taken part in office gossip or other negative conversations with friends or colleagues? Has anyone ever been hurt or a team dynamic been damaged even a little by that gossip or negative conversation? Have I ever judged someone and my future interactions with them based on unsubstantiated gossip I’ve heard?
• Have I ever let a toxic work environment sour me or sap my energy?
• Have I ever let stress build up to the point that I lash out at others, or even become a bit mean spirited? What happens to me when one more thing happens that “is the last straw”?
• If I’m feeling negative have I ever started to read or imagine negative intent in others’ words or actions when it may or may not be there?
• When I think “It’s going to be a tough or stressful day” or “this is going to be a horrible conversation to have” – do I inadvertently start to brace myself and feel stressed, and actually make the day or conversation harder than they might otherwise have been?

If you answered yes to one or more (all?) or the above, you are not alone.

Most of us let ourselves be influenced in negative ways or influence ourselves in negatives ways far more often than we may be aware of.

Research shows that what other people think can influence our opinions and conclusions and sadly negative attitudes of others have the most significant impact. This is also true of our own thinking – our perceptions impact how we feel – and if we are perceiving a situation as negative, that influence can often out way our positive thoughts and feelings and can negatively impact how situations unfold. There is a huge case for the power of positive thinking and taking a glass half full approach to life and to situations (no – that doesn’t mean pretend what isn’t working isn’t there – it’s about having a full and true view of the situation).

“October 2007 – Research from Indiana University published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that while we tend to believe that we are capable of forming independent opinions, what other people think can influence our conclusions, with negative attitudes resulting in the biggest changes” http://componentleadership.pmi.org/asiapacificmeeting2010/to%20be%20posted/Strategies%20for%20Developing%20Component%20Leaders.pdf

“Managing Emotions in the Workplace: Do Positive and Negative Attitudes Drive Performance? You know the type: coworkers who never have anything positive to say, whether at the weekly staff meeting or in the cafeteria line. They can suck the energy from a brainstorming session with a few choice comments. Their bad mood frequently puts others in one, too. Their negativity can contaminate even good news. “We engage in emotional contagion,” says Sigal Barsade, a Wharton management professor who studies the influence of emotions on the workplace. “Emotions travel from person to person like a virus.” http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=1708

Groups in particular can be have a strong influence positively and negatively. A group with a great dynamic and synergy can be wonderful to be part of and can potentially accomplish more as a team than the sum of what each of the individuals can accomplish. However studies on mob mentality and group think show the darker potential of being part of a group.

“Mob mentality refers to the behavioral tendency of people (or other social animals) to act in unison with the group of which they are a part. This is an evolutionary adaptation that provides the mechanism for collective intelligence, but also explains how morally reprehensible consensus can form. Behaviors ranging from gang rapes and beatings to the extermination of an entire people group.” http://brainz.org/what-mob-mentality

“Groupthink, a term coined by social psychologist Irving Janis (1972), occurs when a group makes faulty decisions because group pressures lead to a deterioration of “mental efficiency, reality testing, and moral judgment” (p. 9). Groups affected by groupthink ignore alternatives and tend to take irrational actions that dehumanize other groups. A group is especially vulnerable to groupthink when its members are similar in background, when the group is insulated from outside opinions, and when there are no clear rules for decision making” http://www.psysr.org/about/pubs_resources/groupthink%20overview.htm

I firmly believe that I’m aware enough and confident enough and clear enough about my core values that I would never behave in the way that the Vancouver rioters did the night of the Stanley Cup finals. I also believe (and hope) that I would have the courage to do whatever it takes to stop people from physically harming others in that or any situation.

However, when I go through the list of questions above I sadly definitely answer yes to some of the questions. The good news is that as I have become more aware of potential pitfalls of being negatively influenced by others my own self-doubt or negative perceptions, and I have become stronger in my own convictions, beliefs and values, the less I let myself be swept up by negativity and the more I stand up for what I believe is the right way to be.

It’s easy to feel and believe that other people or outside situations can make us angry, sad, frustrated, stressed, happy, content, etc…etc.. The truth is other people do or say what they do, other situations happen in whatever way they do – and even though it may sometimes not feel like it, I actually have the power to choose/change how I feel and how I perceive the world and how I choose to act. It’s not always easy – but I am accountable and have the power to create from every situation I find myself in.

Next time I find myself feeling negative or taking part in negative conversations – will I be aware, and what will I choose ? What will YOU choose?

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics “Hot off The Press”

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001.

Are being “right” and doing things “right” all they are cracked up to be?

How important is being right and doing the right thing to you? Are you are a perfectionist? Do you avoid or fear failure or being judged?

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail” Robert H. Schuller

In her Ted.com video ‘On Being Wrong’ Kathryn Schulz suggests that most of us will anything to avoid being wrong. She then makes a compelling case for admitting and embracing out fallibility. In her inspiring Harvard commencement address, J.K. Rowlings, successful author of the Harry Potter series talks about the “Fringe Benefit of Failure” (links to both below)

Some of my greatest learnings about myself and the world, some of my most profound and inspiring experiences, and ironically some of my greatest successes have come from my willingness to embrace my own fallibility, to act spontaneously without knowing the outcome, and to entertain knew information and viewpoints.

Ask yourself the following –
• Has your concern about doing something right or perfectly ever stopped you from simply enjoying the moment?
• Has your concern with failing or just not being good enough ever stopped you from taking a risk, having fun or following your dreams?
• Do you ever overanalyze possible options and/or paths in order to figure things out completely to the detriment of just doing something and discovering from the doing? And…is it really possible to figure the unknown out completely?
• Do you ever jump to arguing your point of view rather than just listening first and really considering another point of view? Do you often assume that those who disagree with you are wrong or worse?
• If you make a mistake do you think you will be judged harshly? Do you judge yourself harshly?
• Do you believe the path to success is to do everything correctly and well?
• In what ways has your concern with being right or in doing things rights ever potentially been a detriment or had negative consequences?

Consider:
• Interesting that feeling ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are often just feelings, points of view or perceptions and may have little to do with reality or may be based just on what we ‘know’ in just that moment. How many things or beliefs that at one time were accepted as truths and fact have since been refuted and been show to be ‘wrong’?
• How much conflict could be avoided if instead of trying to prove how right we are, we at least listened to other points of view or world views. “faced with the choice between changing ones mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof” John Kenneth Galbraith
• Do we learn more from mistakes or from successes? Thomas Edison said “ I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work” How many great inventions or new knowledge might never have been discovered or uncovered if their inventors or explorers had worried about the potential for failure or hadn’t entertained the possibility of being wrong?
• “only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far there is to go “ T.S. Elliott, If we don’t explore the unknown how do we learn or grow?
• What if you were to attempt something new and you didn’t do it perfectly.. but you enjoyed yourself, or learned something new about yourself or the world? How realistic really is it to imagine that one could jump into something new or unknown and do it perfectly – without practice?
• What is the cost of “regret” for opportunities not taken, things not attempted, paths not explored?

For some further ‘food for thought’ on the topic check out the following :

Kathryn Schulz: On being wrong | Video on TED.com

J.K. Rowling – the Fringe Benefit of Failure

Christopher Gergen and Gregg Vanourek – The Value of Failure

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics “Hot off The Press”
**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001.

Leadership From The Inside Out

What effects can a personal growth workshop that focuses on self-awareness and personal mastery have on the lives of its participants?

This was the question I asked when I embarked on the adventure of my Master’s thesis/major project to complete my Master of Arts degree in Leadership and Training. This was an area of passion and fascination for me as I had experienced profound professional and personal growth from participating years before in such a workshop (www.themasteryworkshops.com) Learning to know and lead myself helped me be far more effective at leading others; it also made me much more passionate about life and much more effective overall.

By researching this question using existing self-awareness and personal mastery workshops called the ‘Mastery of Self-Expression’ (The Mastery) and ‘the Next Step’, the project obtained summarized information on:

• Effects of the workshop – themes / categories
• Impact of these effects on the lives of participants, personally and professionally
• What from the participants’ view, it takes to sustain any positive effects derived from participating in the workshop(s)

My main goal with the project was to inspire people to do whatever is necessary to realize their potential and to discover and pursue their passion. The journey to complete the project was profound and both the anecdotal and statistical results were affirming and inspiring.

Just a few of the positive impacts that people reporting experiencing include increased:
• Confidence
• Awareness
• Willingness to take risks
• Willingness to accept new challenges
• Ability to handle conflict and adversity effectively
• Enthusiasm and passion for life

If you have participated in such a workshop before you may find the following interesting. If you never have and are interested or even very skeptical, you may also find it interesting.

LEADERSHIP FROM THE INSIDE OUT: http://members.shaw.ca/trishbrydon/leadershipthesis/leadershipinsideout.pdf

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter

Trish also has a second blog focused on career, staffing and team building related topics “Hot Off The Press”

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001. http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk3/ftp04/MQ59426

The Power of Commitment

Do you ever find yourself sitting on the fence, or stuck in indecision? Do you ever have good intentions and great ideas – things on your “to do” list that have been sitting there a while but you don’t actualize or put them into action? Are there things you’ve want to do and hope to actually do some day – “when I have more time”, “ when the time is right”, “if only…this or that”, “if I only could” ? When things sound confronting or challenging do you ever find yourself saying “I’ll try” rather than “I’ll do it” because you aren’t certain you’ll succeed? Do you ever say “I can’t” about anything without really knowing you can’t?

I’d be surprised if you didn’t answer yes some or all of these. Seems like no matter how much we know about how to get ourselves unstuck, we still get stuck sometimes. This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve written about being stuck but I came across the quote below today and wanted to share it and a few thoughts.

I have found that sitting on the fence for prolonged periods, staying stuck, intending or wanting to do things but not — all take up and waste time and energy. Looking at the same things on my to do list over and over – that I never get to – can make me feel tired and frankly ineffective. Simply “trying” or “intending” both take effort with no actual result (really). Yoda of Star Wars fame said “there is no try..only do”

What happens when you make a definite decision…then put your plan into action…you really commit to your decision and carry it out? Even if in some cases the definite decision is to take something off the “to do” list that honestly if it was sitting on that list for a long time without action – you were never truly committed to doing.

I participated in a personal growth and leadership workshop many years ago (the Mastery of Self-expression) that was life altering for me – a workshop where I experience how powerful I am and how much I’m capable of creating in my work and personal life when I decide on and commit to a definite course of action — even if I haven’t figured everything out — then just do it and discover from it one step at a time. Sometimes discovering that I can do things that I had never thought possible..sometimes discovering that what I thought I wanted, I didn’t – but I had to actually start along the path to know it.

I have let opportunities slip by in my life and I have lost people who were very close to me; I’ve learned that life is far to short to waste a precious moment of it.

Occasionally life challenges get in the way and in spite of all I have learned and know, I can forget and get stuck for a while; however the lesson has remained rooted in me. When I remember and act from it, and take responsibility for my actions, I am still sometimes surprised by how powerful I can be and feel.

At the end of the workshop, the leader read the following quote by Goethe. I have found these great words to live by and worth periodic re-reads.

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans.

The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now” (Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners http://www.optimpeople.com as well as Senior Partner with Mercer Bradley. She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter
Trish also has a second blog focused on career and hiring related topics

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001. http://

Being Inspired and Motivated by Your Choices

When you think about your goals or what you plan to accomplish do you ever been burdened, tired or even exhausted? Do you ever feel uninspired?

When you don’t make the progress you had planned or feel you should, do you feel bad about or angry with yourself? Do you ever feel like ‘what’s the point?’ or give up?

“You determine your future by the thoughts and pictures you hold in your mind today.” Brian Tracy

“What you focus on expands”

Figure out first how you want to BE in the world and let that guide what you want to DO

As new years start out, people tend to set goals and make plans – a list of achievements to be accomplished, often without linking them to their core values and what’s really important – or to how each person would like to feel and BE in the world.

At the end of the day or the year you’ve made x dollars – so what? You’ve successfully done this or that…so what?

For me it’s about how I want to feel at the end of the day…ideally every day – the essence of what my vision statement is about. Without a link to that it can be easy to let goals and plans slide, to feel overwhelmed or burdened by them, to have goals that fit the ‘shoulds’ or ‘have to’s in my life rather than fit what I really choose and want to embrace – choices that I am excited and energized by – in my personal and business life.

With “how I want to feel or BE in the world” guiding me and my goals and commitments, I find it helps the rest fall into place. Figure out how I want to BE first rather than what I want to DO …my “so what” becomes clear and I can feel excited and inspired by the goals and commitments I choose to help me to be and feel the way I want to.

What is the essence of how YOU want to feel and BE this year?

Even if you haven’t gone through a personal vision and values exercise, if you were intuitively right now to pick a few words or a short phrase or two to represent the essence of what you’d like to create an intention for in the next few months or year – words to guide you – what would they be?

My words are balance, passion, success and magic. These are words I have written by my computer and I look at every day and use as a touchstone to create from as well as to guide/support me when I’m off kilter or feeling challenged. These are words that inspire me to set specific goals and manifest results from.

Happiness…energy…focus…clarity in communication…compassion…space… choice…confidence..peaceful…fun…joy…authentic…creativity…connection…. congruence… honesty…adventure…expansion…love…action…letting go…proactive…. There are endless possibilities.

What feels right for YOU? What nurtures YOU? Intuitively …what are your words?

I encourage you to focus on and let yourself be guided by what’s really important for you – to be guided by your vision of how you want to feel and be in the world. Easy to write — often hard to execute I know. Just one step at a time…and if you happen to take a step or two back or sideways along the path don’t use that as an opportunity to feel bad about yourself or put up walls or to give up the journey…it’s just a natural part of the process…you will feel off kilter at times…you will feel challenged. Take the opportunity to course correct and reach out for support if you need to. Are the goals you set realistic and nurturing for you? Are they congruent with what’s important to you? Keep your focus and intention on what how you want to be and feel in the world. Let yourself be inspired and motivated by your own choices!

Check out this very short film – it is a great metaphor! It just may inspire you the next time you are facing a particularly challenging problem or what you want to create seems too big. Never underestimate the power of sometimes even a tiny step to start making even a small difference. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JCm5FY-dEY

“Most people achieved their greatest successes one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.” Brian Tracy

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners www.optimpeople.com . She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001. http://<a href=”http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk3/ftp04/MQ59426″>www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk3/ftp04/MQ59426

The value of recognizing and appreciating the positive

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” (Voltaire)

How often do you tell your friends, colleagues, employees, partner, family or acquaintances what you appreciate and value about them? How well do you celebrate and acknowledge yourself – what you accomplish and who you are in the world? What are you proud of?

If you do a web search on quotes about pride – you may be as surprised as I was by the large proportion of those quotes that suggest that pride is negative and should be avoided. When I look up the definition of pride in the dictionary there are indeed a couple of definitions which talk about having an excessively high opinion of oneself and conceit – but what about these two:

Pride: A sense of one’s own proper dignity or value; self-respect; Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association.

I’ve worked with literally thousands of people in coaching, training and interview settings. It never ceases to amaze me how many people I’ve interviewed who have a much easier time reciting a list of their perceived weaknesses or areas for improvement than a list of their strengths. When I first meet coaching clients and I ask them to tell me about themselves – it saddens me how often they recount the things they believe are wrong with them and they feel they need to “fix” – and yet don’t include a list or much of a list of strengths and things they are proud of. Many people when asked the question “what are you proud of?” actually draw a blank.

Most of us have been raised to a greater or lesser degree to be humble and to believe that it’s not good to boast about ourselves or our accomplishments. However – most of us have also heard from angry or tired parents or teachers when we aren’t behaving according to their expectations and we’ve learned that it’s okay to focus on and acknowledge our “faults” and “shortcomings”. We’re also bombarded from an early age and throughout our lives with media messages about how we should look and be and what we need to do and aspire to in order to fit in and to “succeed”. It’s a skewed way to look at ourselves – focusing more on the negative than the much larger part of us – the positive.

Is it any wonder that so many people suffer from low self-esteem and have a negative self-image? Is it any wonder if we don’t make time to celebrate and acknowledge our successes and what we accomplish? I have found that people typically become more confident, happier and more effective when they start to make time to appreciate themselves, and focus on and build on their strengths rather than just on what they think they need to work on or improve.

And it’s not just about acknowledging and appreciating ourselves…

In too many work environments if things are going well, there’s often little feedback from managers or supervisors; many managers have a tendency to focus more of their attention on fighting fires and what isn’t working – like problem employees and problem performance. Many performance review meetings often focus more on ‘areas for improvement’ rather than a balanced view focusing more on our accomplishments and value.

Is it any wonder that according to the U.S. Bureau of labor Statistics, the number one reason people leave their jobs is that they “don’t feel appreciated”? The business cost of turnover and of disengaged employees is high and even a small increase in employee recognition and acknowledgement could be significant.

“People value being appreciated for their contributions. Recognition does not have to be elaborate, just genuine.” (Alfonso Rivera)

In our relationships it can be too easy after a while to take for granted all the things that work in the relationship and that we value in our partners and yet let small niggling things bother us. I’ve coached couples dealing with relationship issues and almost without fail the focus in the relationship has become almost exclusively on what “isn’t working” and not at all on what is working and what they value in each other.

Is it any wonder that breakdown in communication and a perceived lack of appreciation are two of the main contributing factors in marital discord and breakdown? The results can be pretty amazing once the focus is shifted to a healthy balance of between appreciating and building on what actually is working and is good, and working together on solutions to what isn’t.

I firmly believe that focusing on and building on strengths and positives is much more powerful and motivating than overly focusing on the negative and what we believe our (or others’) failures or inadequacies are.

“Whatever you focus on expands” (Christopher M. Knight)

What if EVERY DAY we each took time to celebrate each of our successes large or small, and let ourselves feel proud of our accomplishments and who we are? What if every day we took the time to appreciate and acknowledge family, friends, partners, colleagues and employees for their contributions to our personal and professional lives.

We each touch countless people’s lives with our actions, presence and energy and most of the time we are unaware of it; what if we knew the extent of the positive impact we make? What if the people in our lives really knew how positively they impact us?

How often do you tell your friends, colleagues, employees, partner, family or acquaintances what you appreciate and value about them? How well do you celebrate and acknowledge yourself – what you accomplish and who you are in the world?

What are you proud of?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Written by Maryanne Williamson and used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech)

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners http://www.optimpeople.com . She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter or contact her at optim@shaw.ca

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001. http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk3/ftp04/MQ59426.pdf

What Motivates You To Succeed?

“Success is a journey, not a destination” (B. Sweetland)

Do you think it’s possible to be successful without being happy? Can one be happy and not be successful? Success and happiness – how closely aligned are they in your life? How do you define success for yourself?

The Oxford dictionary defines success as: a favourable outcome, accomplishment of what was aimed at, attainment of wealth or fame or position. Thing or person that turns out well.

I was raised to believe that to be successful I needed to be driven and goal oriented and to be the best at everything I did; also that as soon as I achieved a goal, it was time for me to set my sights on, and then attain the next, bigger goal. There was no time along the way to stop and acknowledge what I had accomplished. My definition of success was tied to income, academic achievement, and position and to constantly outdoing my last achievement. Was I successful? Yes. Was I happy? It was never a consideration.

Much like so many others, I had been so influenced and defined by the expectations and standards placed on me by my parents, school, the media, etc, that I honestly didn’t know what I actually wanted, or even ultimately, who I was.

A personal crisis in my life quite a number of years ago led me to begin what turned out to be an amazing journey of self-discovery and personal leadership. Over the years my attitude towards success and my definition of it changed. It was and has been, incredibly powerful and liberating to discover and express myself fully from a place of what I want and choose in my life rather than what I believe I ‘should’ do, and living up to other peoples’ expectations. It has also been instrumental in enhancing my personal and professional leadership skills, and in increasing my happiness.

Has this made me any less successful or any less able to set and achieve goals? Quite the contrary. The great thing about knowing what I want, what’s important to me and what MY values are – is that when I choose and set goals that are in alignment with my values and purpose — I feel so much more inspired and energized which makes it easier to make long term commitments , to stay motivated and to achieve those goals. And interestingly I do stop now along the way to acknowledge what I achieve, which makes the successful attainment of my goals much more fulfilling and has me feeling happier!

Many of my coaching clients and participants in the personal awareness, mastery and leadership workshops that I facilitate are working to unravel their own definition of success, what’s important to them and what they really want, from the standards and expectations of others that they had assumed from their upbringing. I have been so inspired by what people are able to create and build in their lives, careers and businesses when they harness and focus the increased energy that is available to them as they become more self-aware and define their own vision and sense of purpose. It is wonderful to see individuals flourish and succeed in setting and achieving their goals as they understand themselves better and become more confident.

It can be a real eye opener for many to take a look at some of the research and real business results which show the positive impact on business success when employees and customers are happy – when they understand and believe in a the business mission and purpose and when employees also believe they can influence it and have a positive impact on it. People given opportunities for autonomy, mastery and purpose tend to be more positively motivated and have greater personal satisfaction – and will also tend to be more successful and contribute more to business success.

A few presentations you may find interesting:

Measuring what makes life worthwhile – Hotelier Chip Conley has built a successful business model based on happiness. He revamped his business model to focus on the intangible, higher needs of his company’s three main constituencies — employees, customers and investors. The results have been extremely successful.

Daniel Pink’s presentation – The Surprising Truth Truth About What Motivates us and RSA Animate’s adaptaption of his presentation Some surprising research shows that when even rudimentary conceptual creative thinking is required – traditional financial incentive rewards systems not only don’t improve performance but can actually have a negative impact – higher incentives can actually lead to worse performance. As long as people are paid enough – opportunities at work for autonomy, mastery and purpose are the motivators which lead to better performance.

Richard St. John’s – Success Is a Continuous Journey

The greatest gift my mother ever gave to me, was not long before her death when she asked me, for the first time in my life – “are you happy?”

Are YOU happy?

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful” Albert Schweitzer

Trish Brydon is a coach, trainer and consultant with Optim People Partners www.optimpeople.com . She has a passion for partnering with and inspiring individuals and organizations to draw out and build on their strengths to not only be successful, but to thrive. Connect with Trish on LinkedIn or follow Trish on Twitter

**The title for this blog is taken from my Master of Arts in Leadership final project of the same name published with © May 2001. http://www.collectionscanada.gc.ca/obj/s4/f2/dsk3/ftp04/MQ59426